The Gate In The Wood - Summary

The whole sorry saga so far in summary form -

Cash-strapped WG is sent with a flea in his ear to his banking adviser, buxom darnelista, Boynita. The bank beauty provides temporary but only financial relief for our hero who sets about plotting the downfall of her relationship with hated local referee, Dougal Stuart. Stuart is cunningly waylaid en route to officiating at Celtic's match at Fir Park and advised by the Wishaw Militia to terminate his links with Boynita. Things seem to be going swimmingly when the similarly-threatened but equally masonic Curry McMichael awards Celtic two penalties at Rugby Park. The day promises to get even better for WG when 'Boynita' unexpectedly calls and says she'll be in The Square & Compass pub post-match. Disaster strikes when Our Bhoy falls into the trap that has been set up not by Boynita but by Stuart's new lover, the bank receptionist and maiden-name-fetishist, Catriona. WG finds himself a compass prick away from the First Degree when he is rescued by the Wishaw Militia who have arrived at Lodge Novo (aka The Square & Compass)in the Trojan Horse form of a Brownings Bakery van. Gemmell is rescued but the repercussions are set to.... er ... roll and roll.


Characters to date:-

WG - WinninGemmell, aka Winston Kenneth Mathieson Dalglish Bergkamp Thomas Burns Gemmell, also referred to by Boynita as Winst, by the masonic community as Winston Bergkamp Gemmell and by the Wishaw Militia (of which he is Commander-in-Chief) as Dick Collins.

Boynita - blouse-busting bank babe from Ayrshire, Boynita's boniest skeleton so far is the fact that she is the daughter of ....

Sir Gordon Duffield - WG's sworn enemy, former-Ranger,Right Worthy Master of Lodge Novo and Chief Executive of the SFA, friend of.....

Dougal Stuart - Lananarkshire-based masonic referee and former lover of Boynita who works beside ....

Catriona - gold-digging multi-faced darnelist witch of loose morals who is currently seeing Dougal Stuart but who is eyeing.....

Ramsay Gordon - celebrity masonic chef and ex-Ranger, friend of....

Curry McMichael - part-time pastor-referee and full time mason, friend of.........

Sir Fergus Alexanderson - word-slaughtering masonic manager of Banchester United, friend of......

Brown Browning - baker to the brethern, Browning was also kidnapped by the Wishaw Militia to facilitate the rescue of WG from Lodge Novo.

Wilma - Duffield's secretary.


The Good Ghuys (so far) :-


NAFOS - aka Naf

SOAL - aka Arthur or Arthur Lee

Ulysses McGhee - aka Uly

The Badger - Monday night drinking partner of The Lhads

Curly - first person to represent the wider CQN community, one of WG's Top Thousand Protestants and a bald fly in Duffield's ointment.