The Gate In The Wood - Episode 24

Alliance Coaches


WG: Here wi go, Bhoys. A Coors in a Carling gless fur you, Mr Lee, and a Titanic Anchor fur you, Mr Naf

SOAL: Aye, this should go doon well

WG: Ah'll dae the jokes, Naf. Anywey here's tae the burd wi the green wing...

NAFOS:.....tae an Irish Pope n a Catholic King, may the men of...

SOAL: Haw you two, nane ay yon sectarian nonsense

they clink their glasses

WG: It seems tae bi aw rite fur that mob ower there

WG gestures his head towards a table where a group of Rangers and Motherwell fans are polishing off a chummy breakfast

NAFOS: Aye they'll probably bi gittin the same bus intae Megiddo an aw, the swine's pigs

SOAL: Communal singin ay cultural songs. Their country, their heritage, Union Flags and The White Cliffs of Dover

WG: It'll no bi much better where we're gaun

NAFOS: Burns Country ?

WG: Well it used tae be. Fur a bad loat, they seemed tae hae plenty time fur Tam when he wiz the manager there

SOAL: That's cos they used tae beat us

WG: Good point Arthur. N then when he took ower it G40 he cudny git a result doon there, odd that

NAFOS: Yon funny smell's gaun away

The huns and hunettes pile onto an old rickety bus

WG: 'Alliance Coaches', Ah cudny huv put it any better masel

SOAL: Hame win in ma book

NAFOS: N then the Mothers cin blame fixture congestion n Euro-hangowers

WG: Ah'm mair concerned aboot oor lot tae bi honest eftir Wednesday's fiasco

SOAL: Well, Ah'd better shift. Whit time's the bus again, WG ?

WG: Two a'cloak - mind n bring a Key Largo

NAFOS: You fur the off an aw, WG, or dae ye waant a Gerbil's Wheel or some other concoction ?

WG: Naw, Ah'm aff tae the Neuk

NAFOS: Militia meetin ?

WG: Naw, mair serious thin that. Ah'm gaun tae visit ma maw n tell hur Ah'm gaunny bi seein a darnelist

NAFOS: Yi'll see it least fourteen the day n that's no countin Scott Broon

WG: The lovely if loyal Boynita

NAFOS: Oh aye. Listen, dae ye fancy a wee drink nixt weekend, wu'll juke Arthur, joost the two ay is ?

WG: Aye, nae probs, Naf, bit Ah'll tell ye the noo Ah'm no giein up Boyn up fur embdy

NAFOS: OK, see ye later. Ah'll text yi at hauf time. Keep that prized prat oot ay bother, won't ye.