EXPRESS DELIVERY
SFA Headquarters remain open the Monday of the September Weekend as Duffield has swapped the traditional West of Scotland holiday for the " Northern Ireland " 12th of July jamboree as a tribute to his daughter, Boynita.
Lynxman: Heavyweight package for Sir Gordon Duffield, Chief Executive. Ah require a signature, hen, keep this wey up.
Wilma (scribbles autograph): What in God's name is in here ?
Lynxman: Ah dunno, hen, we don't pack thum, we joost deliver thum.
Lynxman departs
Wilma (on intercom): Sir Gordon, a large package has just been delivered by Lynx. Will you give me a hand to lift it ?
GD: No, ask that lazy fool, Herb Drewbison, to help you in with it
Herb and Wilma take the package into Duffield's office, place it on his desk and wait expectantly to see what it contains. Duffield dismisses the underlings, ushers them to the door which he locks behind them. He excitedly unwraps the packaging and reads the label on the large plastic tub :
NARROWBOAT MACAROON FONDANT :- Essence of potato and sugar. When used sparingly this fondant can be employed as a soothing agent for itchy, irritable, flaky, infested or blistered scalp. Please apply one teaspoonful (5ml) four times daily over affected areas. Our haddock is sourced from recognised, sustainable fisheries.
GD: Haddock ?
Duffield removes both his wig and the tub lid and reaches over for the teaspoon which is in a blue-and-white Lodge Novo mug.
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