The Gate In The Wood - Episode 1

SOAL: Whose round is it ?

WG: NAFOS's

NAFOS: Why is it always my round ?

SOAL: Cos WG's always skint ?

NAFOS: Don't you think you should get your finances in order instead of moochin aff us ?

WG: My credit is crunched. Thank crunchy it's credit........... or Friday.

NAFOS: Did ye no read Kojo's Git-Rich-Quick guidebook oan the sellikblog ?

WG: Ah did bit it wiz too techno jargonesque fur me. Ah'm mair intae language me, words in awrat.

SOAL: Cin ye no phone yon Kimberley ?

WG: Who's yon Kimberley ?

SOAL: Yon Kimberley fae the the bank, hur thit doubles yir overdraught at the drap ay a bon mot

NAFOS: Aye, away ower theyr biside the puggy in gie hur a phone

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RBS: Royal Bank of Scotland, That Wishaw branch, you're speaking to Catriona, how may I be of service ?

WG: Er...........it's a Mr Gemmell here. I was looking to speak with Kimberley.

Cat: Would that be Kimberley Street, customer adviser to the poor and overstretched ?

WG: I guess it would be.

Cat: I'm afraid Ms Street is no longer with the branch

WG: Pity

Cat: Maternity Leave, I hear

WG: I'm not at all surprised......

Cat: Mr Gemmell, if I may interrupt.......Perhaps you would like to have a word with Kimberley's successor ?

WG: Does she take pity on the poor and feckless ?

Cat: Evidently. I'll put you on hold for a moment

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RBS: Mr Gemmell, you're through to Boynita, recently promoted from our Larkhall branch, how may I help you ?

WG: Wait a minute, you're going to ask me for my mother's maiden name, aren't you ?